Calamity EP5 Bullet Train Part 1

Show Description: Calamity Jane guides a theatre troupe across hostile lands while fleeing the ghosts of her past.

Episode 5 is available: All aboard the Calamity express! Stopping for no one other than the divine acolyte himself.


Sound: Steam train in motion.

JANE (V.O.): Last call to Rapid City. Would you believe me if I told you it was my first time?

SHERIFF (V.O.): Wild Bill was a regular in that area.

JANE (V.O.): That's long before I joined him...for me, Rapid City would be a place of firsts.

FAITH: Sit, I'm supposed to be anxious not you.

JANE: Why you? Hometown hero returning as a star performer. I'd say you'd give the great Calamity a run for her money.

FAITH: If only. I wonder how many would even remember me.

JANE: You ain't one to be forgotten, Faith. Come here.

ELICK: Didn't mean to interrupt, ladies. Seems we're all square.

JANE: How's our secret service friends?

ELICK: They sent a telegram for a burial crew at Yankton. Now they're keeping to themselves.

FAITH: I'm sorry for your loss, lieutenant.

ELICK: Thank you kindly, Faith. Though not as sorry as the scumbags that did this will be.

JANE: Hey, eyes on the objective Lieutenant.

ELICK: Right.

FAITH: Either of you wish to fill me in?

ELICK: Ain't my call, Ms. Johnson.

JANE: Trust me, Faith. You don't want to know.

FAITH (frustrated): This is what I'm talking about. In a few days ride you'll meet my parents. Least you can do is be honest about what I'm bringing to their doorstep.

ELICK: She does have a point.

JANE (exasperated): Fine...Dante's in a bit of trouble. Coin-wise. Those two agents are on his tail about counterfeit money from last show. They were about to lock him up when the lieutenant here stepped in.

ELICK: I vouched for him. Said this theatre troupe is just doing good business, headed to resupply Ft. Pierre.

FAITH: You lied to the secret service?

ELICK: Forgive me, but I thought hanging with Janie here would open your eyes. Sometimes world ain't so black & white.

FAITH: It's not the fact that you lied which concerns me, it's why you did it. From where I'm sitting you have nothing to gain by saving our boss.

JANE: Yeah...about that.

FAITH: What did you agree to?

SHERIFF (V.O): I'd bet a dollar you didn't tell her the truth. Not about the Captain, Lieutenant or Keema.

JANE (V.O):'d be a dollar short.

JANE Faith, wait up!

JANE: Please, I can explain.

FAITH: I don't believe you. I thought you were done with all the fighting. You told me war was hell, why would you wanna go back?

JANE: I don't have a choice. If we don't locate that horse and get those war plans to general Miles, more innocent soldiers will die.

FAITH: No one on that battlefield's innocent, Jane. Isn't that what you said?

JANE: This ain't up for discussion.

FAITH: I helped you put the pieces together. After Little Big Horn, after Bill...

FAITH (CONT'D): Don't you remember? You wouldn't eat, sleep or say anything for days Jane! I still don't know what in heaven put you in that state. Now you want to charge back in there like nothing happened?

JANE: I...I know you're nervous about coming home, darling.

FAITH: This is about you not coming home, Jane. Don't you get that?

JANE: I know what's at stake.

FAITH: I don't think you do. If you follow this trail of madness you'll end up like that Captain of yours.

JANE: He ain't dead.

Sound: Train crash.

Sound: Steam hiss.

JANE (CONT'D): Faith? (coughs) You alright?

FAITH: I'm fine...what happened?

DANTE: Was about to ask the same question. Calamity, don't tell me I got more delays.

JANE: I dunno what to tell you, boss. Hang tight.

ELICK: You see that?

JANE: I ain't seeing nothing.

ELICK: The brakes are smoking. I'll check the engine. You flank around the otherside.

JANE: Got it.

Sound: Jane cocks her revolver.


JANE (CONT'D): Hello? Conductor?

JANE (CONT'D) You hurt? Talk to me.

JANE (V.O.): The locomotive was empty. No conductor in sight.

SHERIFF (V.O.): Any chance the conductor went to check on the train?

JANE (V.O.): That's just it, Sheriff. No one saw him again. Elick and I searched the whole engine car and...

ELICK: What the hell's that?

JANE: What?

ELICK: Out there, on the tracks.

JANE (V.O.): Well, let's just say there's a reason I don't like surprises.

JANE (V.O.): There was a dead cow on the tracks. Large carcass, fresh kill.

SHERIFF (V.O.): Someone put it there.

JANE (V.O.): You're getting the hang of this crime solving stuff.

ELICK: I'll grab some guys, we'll move it off the tracks.

JANE: But how'd it get here? Lone cow in the middle of the desert.

ELICK (sarcastic): You try asking it?

JANE: I'd rather ask the conductor. Wherever he is.

DANTE: You kidding me?

JANE: Relax, it's just a cow.

DANTE: Okay, boys! Let's get this off the tracks.

FAITH: Where's the conductor and train crew?

ELICK: We didn't see em either.

DANTE: One problem at a time.

JANE: Something ain't right.

Sound: Warcry & gunshots echo across the desert.

JANE (V.O.): It was an ambush. About 20 armed fighters charged over the hill and took our train by surprise.

SHERIFF (V.O.): Sioux warriors?

JANE (V.O.): I wish. Sioux would've saved us the sermon.

JANE: Move! defend the train.

ELICK: You heard the lady, let's go!

JANE: Faith...

FAITH (determined): I ain't running.

JANE: You have to. Follow me around back, we'll grab a horse and get you on your way.

FAITH: We're in the middle of nowhere, I'm not abandoning you.

JANE: I know. That cow though, it's fresh...too fresh. If there's a farm round here then a town's nearby.

Sound: Jane shoots another enemy then hears the dreaded click of her pistol.

ELICK: I got you, move!

JANE (to faith): Come on, now! Almost there.

JANE (V.O.): I reached the animal cart and let the horses loose.

Sounds: Plank is lifted, horses protest in fear then scramble as Jane frees them.

FAITH (relieved): did find him.

JANE: We don't got much time, get on.

FAITH: (pleads) Come with me.

JANE: I gotta stay and watch the lieutenant's back.

FAITH: Jane...

JANE: Go! Please darling, I'll be fine. Just get us some help. I'm counting on you.

FAITH: Hang tight then.

Sound: Faith rides away.

SHERIFF (V.O.): You just let her go?

JANE (V.O.): What choice did I have? We were outnumbered and losing.

DANTE: Hold on now, let's be civil about--

Sound: hard whack knocks him out.

JANE: Boss!

JANE (V.O.): One of em knocked Dante out.

SHERIFF (V.O.): You still had your whip.

JANE (V.O.): Damn right I did.

Sound: Jane cracks the bullwhip against the enemy Nomad who dropped Dante.

JANE Come on, who's next?

ELICK (warning) Jane...

JANE (V.O.): The other had a gun to Elick's head.

Sound: The hammer of a revolver clicks back in warning.

ELICK: ...I think his gun's loaded.

LIGHTFOOT: Lay down your bullwhip, craven. It's over.

JANE: Take it easy there...partner. Let's not do anything stupid.

Sounds: cheers of victory.

LIGHTFOOT: Celebrate, siblings! For we have stopped this reign of terror on the land.

JANE: Elick! You alright?

ELICK (pained): Who the hell are they?

JANE: Nomads. Don't worry their grudge ain't with us.

LIGHTFOOT: You're sure about that? Riding through our lands, dirtying our air and nature's beauty with your metal monster. We can't let that pass.

SHERIFF (V.O.): I've heard about the Nomads. Group of rebels living in the desert. Believe any coal-powered invention is destroying the world.

JANE (V.O.): They believed in this Lightfoot I'll tell you that much. He ordered the rest of them to round up the passengers.

DANTE: Please, I beg you to spare us. We entertain the people, that's it.

LIGHTFOOT: I saw your stage-cars loaded with helpless animals. You think they're entertained being shuttled across the land?

DANTE: We treat them well.

LIGHTFOOT: Nature will treat them better.

LIGHTFOOT (To his crew): Release the animals! Let them return to what's familiar.

Sounds: Lions, chickens, various animals running away.

DANTE: No!!!!! I am never going to financially recover from this.

JANE: Big words coming from a man leaving dead cows on the railway.

LIGHTFOOT: You there!

JANE (amused): What, don't like the truth?

LIGHTFOOT: Bring her to me!

JANE: Get offa me!

ELICK Hey, leave her out of--

Sound: Elick is hit with a shotgun.

LIGHTFOOT: I saw you. You freed the horses during battle.

JANE: ...ah, yeah...damn right I did.

LIGHTFOOT: You were protecting life.

JANE: It's my job.

LIGHTFOOT: Indeed it is all of our jobs. (to henchmen) Untie her, immediately!

JANE (confused): Thanks...

LIGHTFOOT: The name's Lightfoot. Leader of the Nomads and very pleased to meet you, miss?

JANE: Ah, Jane. Calamity Jane.

LIGHTFOOT: Well, Jane...Calamity Jane. You're free to go.

JANE: What about my friends?

LIGHTFOOT: They will be sacrificed for their crimes against the bounty of our beautiful goddess.

JANE: Hold up, pal!

Sound: The nomads beside lightfoot cock their pistols.

NOMAD #1 (menacing): What did you just say?

NOMAD #2 (disdain): Our great leader doesn't take orders from the likes of cravens.

LIGHTFOOT: It's okay friends, let her speak.

Sound: The weapons are holstered.

JANE: Thank you...Lightfoot. Look, my friends here, they ain't building the trains or the rails.

JANE (CONT'D): We ain't meaning to offend your goddess, we just need to get to Rapid City.

LIGHTFOOT: Your friends chose to ride this monstrosity that sends dark clouds into our air. Do you know how much blood was spilt building these railroads?

JANE: You'd be spilling a lot more if you cut us down here and now.

LIGHTFOOT: An eye-for-an-eye. That is the goddess's wish and I am her acolyte.

JANE: Well, I'm not sure how to explain this to your goddess, but you see those boys over there?

JANE (CONT'D): They're secret service. If uncle Sam doesn't find them, he'll send the whole cavalry after you & your friends here.

LIGHTFOOT: Interesting...and how do you know of this?

JANE: I used to be that cavalry.


JANE: Me. The Lieutenant over there. And a whole lot of us with more guns than you ever seen.

NOMAD #1: Lightfoot, don't listen to these cravens. They will defile our lands again.

NOMAD #2: Agreed. But I'm sorry Lightfoot, I ain't fighting no calvary.

NOMAD #1 (angry): Then you dishonor the goddess.

LIGHTFOOT: Enough. I am tired of your petty squabbling!

NOMAD #1: Forgive me...great Lightfoot.

NOMAD #2: Apologies...

LIGHTFOOT: Very well, bring the carriages.

JANE: Hang on, where you taking them?

LIGHTFOOT: The inner sanctum of the wilderness goddess, Artemis. She will decide what to do with you cravens.

Calamity Full Cast

Merch shop

Episode Cast:

  • Sarah Ruth Thomas as Calamity Jane
  • Nathan Sager as Lieutenant Elick Townsend
  • Gianni Matragrano as Sheriff Boyd
  • Katabelle Ansari as Faith Johnson
  • Enzo Fortuny as Dante Cortez
  • Josh Musser as Lightfoot
  • Andrew Gomez as Nomad 1
  • Jordan Kalina as Nomad 2


  • Written, Directed & Produced by Jules Siege
  • Casting by Sandra Kyuumei
  • Sound Design by James Findlater
  • Calamity Main Theme is composed by Kevin MacLeod
  • Art Direction by Jocelyn Combe
  • Special Thanks to Den Valdron

Music is provided by Storyblocks unless otherwise noted.

  • Not the Usual Train by Bzur SBA-300514518
  • Down to the Wire by Humans Win SBA-300472388
  • Calamity Main Theme Variation 3 by Kevin Macleod
  • Ambush by James Gaither SBA-346463166